


Enjoy The Show

by imnotbuck, SpaceTrash (DesolateHappiness)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Family Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Performance Art, Self Confidence Issues, a sickening amount of flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 03:39:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14803677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotbuck/pseuds/imnotbuck, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesolateHappiness/pseuds/SpaceTrash
Summary: Beneath all of his beautiful tricks, there was something off about him. As soon as he noticed it, Bucky became distracted by it; he radiated a wistfulness that wasn't put on. There was no faking that sort of longing and no way of truly hiding it - he knew that better than anyone else.





	Enjoy The Show

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was one of the funnest ones I've written, I had such a good time writing it and I really love how it turned out. This is dedicated to Nina, who is not only my co-creator but my co-conspirator. Honestly I had the greatest time working with you Nina; you've been an incredible partner. 
> 
> Nina drew all of the amazing art this story was inspired by, which you'll see throughout the story. I hope all of you enjoy this as much as the two of us have! Her art can be found [HERE](https://mrs-dr-strange.tumblr.com/post/174449500064/enjoy-the-show)
> 
> You can find us both on tumblr; [fuckyfarnes](https://fuckyfarnes.tumblr.com/#_=_) (me) and [mrs-dr-strange](https://mrs-dr-strange.tumblr.com/) (Nina)

One by one, every light in the room dimmed until they completely faded out. Within seconds the audience was wrapped up in a darkness so thick they couldn’t see a thing. Despite that, everyone was silent, the only noise was the combined sound of their breathing and even that was subdued. There was something building up without a doubt and no one wanted to snuff out that anticipation by so much as moving.

 

A single light shone down and illuminated who they’d been waiting for; a man sitting on a trapeze bar. His legs were kicking slowly, rocking the bar back and forth like a swing. He was humming faintly as if only to himself while staring out into the darkness that hid the audience from him. There was a sweet quality to him that drew in the crowd like a moth to a flame and kept them interested in him without a second of wavering.

 

The combination of his humming and swinging lulled everyone in the room into a sort of peace that none of the other acts had. They had come out strong from the gate and amazed with incredible feats immediately; this act subtly captivated until it was all encompassing.

 

Music that matched his humming slowly flowed into the tent from unseen speakers. It was a gentle melody for a minute or so, then abruptly shifted into something heavier and darker. The trapeze artist slipped backward, prompting the entire audience to gasp in fear, but caught himself using only his feet and propelled over the bar in a perfect loop. He swung over and over again until he moved high enough to grab the ropes holding the bar and get back into a standing position. The way he moved was poised and solid, so practiced that there was no room for anything other than complete confidence.

 

Beneath all of his beautiful tricks, there was something off about him. As soon as he noticed it, Bucky became distracted by it; he radiated a wistfulness that wasn't put on. There was no faking that sort of longing and no way of truly hiding it - he knew that better than anyone else.

 

*

 

The worst part of being in a travelling circus troupe, in Bucky’s professional opinion, was the actual travelling part. Going from place to place, from big cities to rural towns and everything in between, was horrible. None of the people living in the area were very welcoming to them until they set up and after they were finished with the show those people who were so mesmerized by their acts were finished with them. Then there was the whole taking everything down part which was never any fun and he got stuck with because he wasn't part of an act.

 

Truthfully, the worst part of being in a travelling troupe was being one of the crew. When someone didn't have any talent but was still part of the family they became the crew; they set up and pulled down the tent, took tickets, handled props, and did all of the _fun_ stuff the rest of the family had no time for. Bucky was the only Barnes in generations who was a crew member and not something more. His sister Becca had been a fire eater before she'd left the family in search of something more, leaving him the only Barnes left. On good days he was proud of her and loved that she was doing something with her life, and on bad days his envy could barely be controlled. Sometimes he felt so stuck that he couldn't focus on anything other than that horrible claustrophobic feeling. The open road occasionally helped ease that feeling, but it could also be even more stifling.

 

Driving from place to place posed a variety of problems. Their troupe was large; it consisted of 22 people and dozens of props, both large and small, and that made it difficult to travel. They used trucks and vans mainly and sent the tents as well another props too large to transport out to where their camp was to be set up prior to the show just to be safe, but things went awry more often than not and it didn't take much for them to be separated from each other and have to wait things out.

 

Bucky was sometimes called on to be a driver during longer trips but thankfully on that particular trip, he was free to relax until they got to their destination; New York. Their last stop had been in Indianapolis, which was roughly 11 hours away from New York on a good day. So far traffic was as light as it could be on a Thursday afternoon and Bucky was in car number 2 of 10 which was a van that had no props it, only people. He was sitting in the backseat with two of the cast Deborah and Devon - better known as the _Flying Twins_ \- and reading a book he'd picked up at a thrift store for cheap, the van surprisingly quiet given the fact that there were five other people in it with him.

 

The Murder at the Vicarage was a crime novel and a good one at that. Agatha Christie never failed to spin wild tales of murder and betrayal that mystified him and kept him on the edge of his seat - he loved her writing endlessly. Being transported to a world other than his own was one of the most exciting things there were.

 

 _Presently_ _I heard footsteps outside, they paused for a minute, then retreated. Inspector Slack indicated to me that I could return to the other side of the room. Mrs. Protheroe re-entered through the window._

 

_“Is that exactly how it is?” asked Colonel Melchett._

 

_“I think exactly.”_

 

— “Bucky?” a tired voice called out to him from the front of the van. He looked up from his book and found Priscilla looking over her seat at him. She was six and was a hoop dancer; she was too young to do a real act, so she danced while spinning a hoop on her hips. There were only a few children in the troupe and if they were old enough to stand and take direction, they were hoop dancers. It was more of a distraction for them than an actual job, but it worked out so that every adult could do what they needed to do without having to babysit.

 

“Yeah honey?” he answered.

 

“I wanna sit wid you,” she drawled.

 

“The twins are back here too,” he said. “I don’t think there’s enough room.”

 

She pouted for a minute before trying again, “your lap?”

 

“Hmm,” he pretended to think about it for a few minutes. She was starting to get restless but clearly knew that he was going to say yes because he could never say no to her. She was just too cute to deny anything. “I _guess_ that’d be okay.”

 

“Yay!” she squealed and climbed over the seats, stepping on people as she went. No one made a fuss when they were stepped on because it was commonplace; living on top of each other made those little things nearly unnoticeable. Once she got to the backseat he lifted her over it and sat her on his lap. “Read to me!”

 

“I don’t think you’d like this one,” he said. An Agatha Christie novel probably wasn’t the best thing to read to a child.

 

“Pleeeeease?” she whined. He rolled his eyes and settled in, wrapping an arm around her waist and picking up his book with his other hand.

 

“Where did I leave off?” he muttered. “Ah yes, the princess was about to storm the vicarage.”

 

“Really?” her excitement was adorable. “The _princess_?”

 

“Yeah! The dragon took over her castle and kicked her out, so she has to get it back.”

 

“Does she got a sword?”

 

“Of course! Every princess needs a sword.”

 

“Can I have a sword?” she asked.

 

Bucky smiled and kissed the top of her head. “Maybe when you’re older.”

 

He spent the next hour telling her a story that he made up as he went. The princess stormed the vicarage only to find all of the rooms empty. She assumed the worst and went to find the dragon and slay it, but went to the back garden and saw the dragon putting on a show for her family. It was beautiful and her family was so happy watching it, that happiness stopped her from doing anything to the dragon. Once the show was done the dragon apologized and explained that all he wanted was a place to stay and a family, he hadn’t meant to scare her away. The dragon was made a member of their family and they all lived happily ever after.

 

By the time he was finished, Priscilla was asleep curled up against his chest. He was surprisingly tired as well. Apparently story telling took a lot out of a person. He put his book down and watched the trees pass by in a blur as they drove. That was one thing he loved about travelling, seeing things pass him by in a rush. It made him feel like he was looking at a painting or a blurry photograph and depending on where they were, it was beautiful.

 

Soon enough his eyelids started to droop and he was falling asleep.

 

*

 

The sound of the van screeching to a stop woke Bucky up hours later. He jumped a little and made a grab from Priscilla to keep her steady, but found that she was gone. He looked around and calmed down when he saw that she was up front again. She was a ball of energy after a nap so her moving around wasn’t anything surprising. What was strange was that they didn’t appear to be at the fairground they had set up, they were in an industrial looking area just outside the Bronx.

 

“What’s going on?” he asked.

 

Monty peered over the middle seat at him. “We’ve stopped,” he replied.

 

Bucky sighed at him. “I can see that. Why did we stop?”

 

“Dugan’s talking to someone.”

 

“About?” he pressed on. Monty tended to know everything about everything but he was rarely forthcoming with what he knew.

 

“There’s some kinda trouble happening. He hopped out of the car real fast and didn’t really tell anyone why.”

 

“Damn,” he said. “I’ve gotta see what’s goin’ on.”

 

“You’re all the way in the back!”

 

“I’m climbing over Monty.”

 

Monty groaned and curled up in an attempt to keep himself from getting stepped on. Grinning, Bucky took his time climbing over the seat. He pressed as close to Monty as he could without sitting on him and decided to take the door closest to him. “Son of a bitch!” Monty shouted. “You’re such dope!”

 

“Thanks a bunch,” he said and got out of the car. Every time he left the car he made sure to stretch himself out and that time was no different; his back and legs cracked from the strain and he groaned loudly.

 

“Get a move on Buck!” Monty shouted from inside. “There’s no time to waste!”

 

“Enough from the peanut gallery,” he hissed playfully before walking off in search of Dugan.

 

Dugan wasn’t far; he was standing by a telephone pole staring at a flyer that was taped onto it. “What’s the problem?” Bucky asked.

 

Dugan pointed at the sign. “What kind of joke is this! Everybody knows we’ve got a show comin’ up and the best spot in town but look here!” he huffed. Bucky walked over and took a proper look at what the flyer actually was; it was an advertisement for another circus.

 

The circus’ name was written in big, looping letters that took up most of the page. _Shield Inc Presents; The Edge of Mystery._ It was brightly coloured which made it difficult to miss, and the opening show was a day before theirs. The location was further away than what they’d managed to get, but that didn’t mean much. They were going to have some serious competition by the looks of it.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/158491161@N07/27525171767/in/photostream/)

 

“We’ve got a leg up on ‘em, Dugan,” he said in as calm a voice as he could muster without sounding patronizing. “We’ve been here before and people love us, we’ve had Curtis and the guys spreading the word out for weeks and everyone’s excited!” he assured him. “No one’s gonna care about the newbies anyway.”

 

“I just can’t believe they’d have the stones to try this. There’s a certain level of respect in our business and this just spits right in our faces.”

 

Seeing Dugan fired up wasn’t rare, but he sounded both furious and crushed. He wasn’t wrong; there usually was a level of respect between different troupes and performers that came after years of hard work and dedication to the craft. Something like that happening was highly unusual - that was proof that whoever _Shield Inc_ was, they were new to the industry. Having someone brand new on their tale was an unsettling concept, but nothing they couldn’t handle.

 

“It’ll be fine,” Bucky said. “We’ll put on a great show like we always do and we’ll show these kids how it’s done.”

 

“Yeah,” Dugan sighed. He didn’t look any happier than he had before. “We should get moving and stay on schedule.” As he walked away from the pole, he yanked the flyer down and left it on the ground.

 

Bucky watched him leave and made sure he was gone, then dashed over and grabbed it. He shoved it in his pocket and ran to catch up with him.

 

*

 

Their van was one of the last to arrive, so the last tent was already in the process of being put up by the time they got there. Bucky made his way out of the van as soon as he could and rushed to help pull it up; it took a dozen people to get it pegged in and ready to go. It was the smaller tent but was still large and difficult to maneuver because of its weight. The tent was where they sold a small selection of souvenirs and tickets, and led out to the big top where the actual show was put on. There were smaller stands for snacks outside the big top as well, but those always went up the day of.

 

It only took 30 minutes to get the tent pegged in properly which was faster than it normally took. It was a unanimous decision that everyone have a little while to stretch out and unwind after having such a long journey, so Bucky took that opportunity to visit the big top. He walked away from the smaller tent and down the small path that led to the big top, slipping inside quietly.

 

The big top housed one big ring with seats set up all around it. The ring and seats were built in; it was a small semi-circle that was formerly used as a practice track for a high school football team. Each troupe that used it brought their own tent and various sets. It was cavernous inside when it was empty, a vast space that screamed for a crowd to fill it. There was something so odd about an empty circus tent - it was like a bad omen. Sometimes Bucky found himself wondering what would happen if no one came to their show. How would everyone take it? What would happen to them if no one ever came again? The empty tent reminded him of those thoughts very rapidly.

 

He walked through the opening that separated the seats and went straight to the centre of the ring. Soon enough there would be props everywhere and different decorations to liven the place up and the decorations were a part of their family history. All of them came from members past and present; they were a combination of things that were purchased, gifted, and handcrafted. They were special and part of their tradition - they were a favourite among their patrons and even among their circus community in general. Being able to handle them and get to look through all of their history in that way was Bucky’s favourite part of being in the crew.

 

He looked around quickly and once he was confident that no one was around or was going to come in, he flopped down in the middle of the ring and took the flyer out of his pocket. It was just a little flyer but it was beautifully done. There were drawings of some of the acts and obviously someone had gone to the trouble of giving the drawings on the page exquisite details; every little character had a face, a cute little costume, and it was clear what their act was. They were somewhat realistic but still cartoony and eye catching. He found himself tracing the drawings with the tip of his finger despite the fact that they were duplicates so there were no raised lines.

 

_Shield Inc Presents; The Edge of Mystery._

 

They had a few shows lined up at a smaller venue in Hell’s Kitchen, starting the next night. It was one day before their own opening night and only a train away. _It wouldn’t be too difficult to get down there,_ Bucky thought and immediately balked at himself. It was a terrible idea! Sneaking away from his responsibilities to spy on another show was ridiculous and irresponsible. He couldn’t sneak away just to sate his curiousity.

 

“There he is!” Gabe shouted from the entrance of the tent. Bucky shoved the flyer back into his pocket and stood up.

 

“What's up Gabe?” he asked, his heart racing. There was no reason to be so nervous but that didn't stop him from feeling panicked. He didn't want them to think he were siding with their new “enemy”.

 

Gabe walked in with Dugan, Peggy and Angie, Wanda, and unsurprisingly Monty trailing behind him. They all had varying expressions of concern, which was alarming. “What's going on?” he asked faintly.

 

“I told ‘em about _Shield Inc.,_ ” Dugan replied. “We've got to decide what to do about this.”

 

“We're _doing_ something?” Monty asked, rocking on the balls of his feet. He was easily excitable, especially when there was even a hint of action. For a thirteen year old he sure loved being in the thick of things. “What's the plan?”

 

“There's no need for a plan,” Gabe sighed. “All we need to do is figure out how to handle this. _Sensibly._ ” he added when Monty opened his mouth again.

 

“Why do we need to do anything?” Wanda interjected. “So we have competition! They're a corporate sponsored _circus_ and a new one at that; they don't know what it means to put on a real show. No one wants to see a circus so rigidly choreographed and promoted.”

 

“The world is changing, Wanda,” Peggy said. “They may have new acts that we don't offer.”

 

“Corporate sponsored means real money,” Angie chimed in. “Even if they aren't great they have money to get attention and improve.”

 

“We're a family,” Bucky said. “Being a family is what makes us special and keeps us together. People love us ‘cause of how well we work together and the dedication we have to our livelihood - no one’s gonna let us flop.”

 

“We need to do recon!” Monty shouted. “Like in the army!”

 

Everyone turned to look at him with the same unimpressed expression. He didn't let that deter him even slightly, continuing on with his idea. “We've gotta send someone in to see what's goin’ on over there. Seeing their show will help us determine if they're a real threat or not.”

 

“That's a pretty good idea,” Dugan said and caught Monty in a headlock. “Our little guy’s growing up!” Monty flushed brightly and playfully fought Dugan off.

 

“I don’t think spying on them is worth spending money on tickets,” Wanda said. She looked to Peggy and Angie for support, and so did Bucky, but found that they looked to actually be considering it. “Come _on_ ,” her accent thickened because of her annoyance.

 

“Normally I wouldn’t want to be wasting time,” Peggy started. “But these are special circumstances.”

 

“Peggy…” Bucky sighed. “I don’t know about this,” he said despite the fact that he was the most curious of all. His interest grew with each passing minute, the flyer burning a hole in his pocket.

 

“I think it’s worth a shot,” Angie said. “Seeing what the enemy’s doin’ and all.”

 

“Who else knows about this?” Bucky asked.

 

“Just us,” Gabe said. “We figured it was best not to freak anyone out before we know everything.”

 

“I think we’re making a bigger deal of this than we need to,” Wanda muttered. “Really, so what if there are others performing near us? We should be focusing on ourselves, not them.”

 

“You’re all clearly worried about this,” Bucky’s voice didn’t waver even though he was a little nervous about what he was about to say. “So if we decide someone needs to go, I volunteer.”

 

“That’s kind of you Bucky,” Peggy said and smiled at him. “You probably are the best person for the job; you can fit in easily and are the most level-headed of us all.”

 

“He’ll be perfect! He’s a Plain Jane, after all,” Monty jeered. “No one’ll suspect him.”

 

“Not all of us can stick out like a sore thumb, Monty. Maybe you should teach me?” he replied with a sweet smile.

 

“Hardy har har.”

 

*

 

In the days leading up to _Shield Inc Presents; The Edge of Mystery_ , Bucky was in overdrive. He worked quickly and efficiently in order to finished what he needed to get done and managed to help the rest of the crew as much as he could. Working so hard made him feel better about going to see the _Shield Inc._ show because he was improving their show. Their setup was better than usual, simply because most of the crew now knew about what was going on and wanted to give it one hundred and ten percent.

 

Bucky left for Hell’s Kitchen an hour early just to be safe. On the subway ride there he saw more flyers for the show and heard people talking about how excited they were to go. Bucky chewed on his lip and stared out the window at the dark tunnel outside. So many people were going to see _The Edge of Mystery_ and they were thoroughly excited by it - maybe they did have something to worry about. He hadn't heard anyone talking about their circus. It was slightly intimidating.

 

Finding the venue was easier than he expected. It was in a small club on 9th Avenue; the outside was painted bright red and there were signs advertising the show on the windows as well as a board on the street and a crowd of people waiting at the entrance. It didn't take long for them to be let inside so Bucky got his ticket quickly and went in behind them. The setup was strange to him; there was a bar on one side with stools lining it and a stage that had tables and chairs facing it. The stage didn't look like it could support a variety of people doing tricks but looks could be deceiving.

 

The tables were slowly starting to fill up, so Bucky made quick work of snagging a seat by the bar. He ordered himself a drink, turned his seat so that he was facing the stage, and waited. Much to his surprise he didn't have to wait long.

 

Seconds after everyone had found a seat, mystical sounding music erupted from all directions. The room darkened significantly but not all the way and the light that was left illuminated a group of people that slithered through the tables in one line like a snake. They were dancing and twirling along with the music, their faces painted with beautiful designs in both vibrant and dark colours. They all had ribbons in their hands that made their constant movements look elegant and almost hypnotic, as did their outrageous outfits. They looked to be from another universe entirely - it was _incredible_. They interacted with the audience casually and drew them in close before scampering away playfully, which only added to their appeal.

 

It was an elaborate entrance that set the tone for the rest of the show. Everything after that is a whirlwind with multiple acts that lasted from just a few minutes to ten or twenty. There were fire-eaters, acrobats, dancers, ventriloquists, a tightrope walker, a stilt walker, and a unicyclist roving around the room - they even had a performing duo who did tricks with various weapons called _The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen and the Black Sky_! Although it was a smaller space, the performers didn't seem to know it - they used the entire room as their stage and made the most of their time. Audience members were invited to the stage many times and shown the time of their lives judging by the looks on their faces. Bucky felt as if he'd been swept up into a world of fantasy and intrigue and he loved the feeling.

 

Even as the acts started to taper off, the audience’s excitement was palpable. Everyone seemed to be waiting for something and Bucky found himself looking around for whatever it was. A few more acts passed by and things slowed down; the music that had been playing for the duration of the show was slowing down and the lights were dimming, the audience quieting instinctually. It looked as though the show was ending but no one made a move to get up. It seemed strange to wait in the silence like that yet everyone did, so Bucky had no choice but to wait as well.

 

What was next was well worth the wait.

 

One by one, every light in the room dimmed until they completely faded out. Within seconds the audience was wrapped up in a darkness so thick they couldn’t see a thing. Despite that, everyone was silent, the only noise was the combined sound of their breathing and even that was subdued. There was something building up without a doubt and no one wanted to snuff out that anticipation by so much as moving.

 

A single light shone down and illuminated who they’d been waiting for; a man sitting on a trapeze bar. His legs were kicking slowly, rocking the bar back and forth like a swing. He was humming faintly as if only to himself while staring out into the darkness that hid the audience from him. There was a sweet quality to him that drew in the crowd like a moth to a flame and kept them interested in him without a second of wavering.

 

The combination of his humming and swinging lulled everyone in the room into a sort of peace that none of the other acts had. They had come out strong from the gate and amazed with incredible feats immediately; this act subtly captivated until it was all encompassing.

 

Music that matched his humming slowly flowed through the room from unseen speakers. It was a gentle melody for a minute or so, then abruptly shifted into something heavier and darker. The trapeze artist slipped backward, prompting the entire audience to gasp in fear, but caught himself using only his feet and propelled over the bar in a perfect loop. He swung over and over again until he moved high enough to grab the ropes holding the bar and get back into a standing position. The way he moved was poised and solid, so practiced that there was no room for anything other than complete confidence.

 

Beneath all of his beautiful tricks, there was something off about him. As soon as he noticed it, Bucky became distracted by it; he radiated a wistfulness that wasn't put on. There was no faking that sort of longing and no way of truly hiding it - he knew that better than anyone else. He was a brilliant performer, there was no doubt about that, but he was haunted.

 

His act came to a close much too soon, and he was met with thunderous applause. He turned his head slightly and smiled at the audience just before the lights shut off once more.

 

*

 

Most of the audience filtered out once it was finished and some of the performers came back out to have a drink and talk to the people who’d stayed. Bucky wanted to stay for a little while longer but it was getting late and he had a train to catch so he decided against it. He left the bar through the service entrance and stopped in the alley outside, taking a deep breath and leaning against the wall. _The Edge of Mystery_ was fantastic and so different from what their show was which made it difficult to compare. Naturally he thought their show was the better one, but he had no idea if the patrons thought so as well. 

 

The service door slammed open and Bucky jumped a little at the loud noise. “Ah shit that was loud,” said whoever was coming out. They stepped out of the entrance and in the dim light coming from inside Bucky was surprised to see it was the trapeze artist.

 

His stage outfit was gone and in its place was a sleeveless black top and loose cream coloured pants. He blinked when he saw Bucky then squinted before smiling. “I know you,” he said.

 

“Do you?” Bucky nearly gasped.

 

“Well not you personally, but I saw you in there. You were sitting by the bar - watching pretty closely too,” he said and leaned against the wall. “That's probably why you didn't see me.”

 

“I was just surprised,” Bucky said honestly. “It’s my first time coming to one of your shows and it was really something.”

 

“Something good I hope.”

 

“It was… amazing.”

 

That made the guy smile again, but that time it was shyer and more genuine. It was sort of breathtaking. “I'm Bucky by the way,” he said and held out his hand.

 

“Steve,” Steve said and they shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“You too. Your performance was incredible - you really know what you're doing up there.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Of course! Your moves were so fluid and graceful but sharp. I know how difficult mastering the trapeze bar is so I'm incredibly impressed,” Bucky said in a rush.

 

Steve beamed at him. “You know a lot about trapeze?”

 

“Oh yeah. My ma used to perform regularly,” he said. When he realized what he said he was taken aback - it had been a while since he talked about his mother. He was surprised that it came out so easily.

 

“Your mom was a circus performer?” Steve asked. He looked thoroughly interested already.

 

“Uh.. yeah she was. For 35 years.”

 

“That's amazing,” Steve said. “35 years… that's real dedication.”

 

“She loved it, so did my dad.”

 

“Was he part of the circus too?”

 

Bucky swallowed thickly. “No he wasn't. He didn't… he died after my sister was born which was of the reasons why -” his voice cut off and he looked away. An uncomfortable silence settled between them and Bucky cursed himself for revealing so much to a stranger.

 

“Do you wanna go get a drink?” Steve offered. The kindness in his voice made Bucky look up in surprise. He looked genuinely concerned and almost…  remorseful. “The bar is technically closed but I'm sure they'll make an exception.”

 

“I need to catch the train back to the Bronx,” he regretted saying it immediately because Steve’s face fell. “I'd love to, I really would but I can't.”

 

“That's okay,” Steve said. He shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall again. “I’ll see you around.”

 

 _I really hope so,_ Bucky thought and barely stopped himself from saying it.

 

Much to his surprise, when he got back to camp he was left alone. Peggy took one look at him and gave him a knowing look then sent him to bed. He was grateful for not having to answer any questions right then because he didn’t know how to go about answering them. He couldn’t tell them how amazing it had been or how he felt transported to somewhere far away, or how he talked to the most talented performer in the entire show and wanted to stay with him.

 

*

 

Opening night came upon them quickly. It was like everyone could sense that there was something to prove; everyone was putting their best foot forward and making sure that everything went off without a hitch. There wasn’t one person without a job to do which was slightly chaotic; there wasn’t a moment of peace in the time that led up to the show. Bucky was on his feet for hours and had multiple jobs to do. He needed to help finish setting up the props as well as check on the performers from time to time to see if any of them were struggling.

 

It didn't help that Peggy had clearly told Dugan, Monty, Wanda, Angie, and Gabe not to ask Bucky about the _Shield Inc_ show. They were all staring at him curiously throughout the day and whenever he caught them looking at him they immediately looked away. Wanda was the only exception to that because she held his gaze when their eyes met. Her piercing stare chilled him to the bone - she always seemed to know what was going on without having been told. Despite her being suspicious she took time out of her day to drop off snacks for him and help wherever she could; that in itself was a prime example of why a circus needed to be more than just a job.

 

Their circus always started with Wanda’s fiddle solo. She set herself up at the entrance to the grounds with her amp and fiddle, then went for it. She played songs of her own making that drew people in as if by magic - every note she played was hypnotic and beautiful, just like she was. Once they were greeted by Wanda, they flooded into the grounds and made their way through the various stalls before heading toward the tents.

 

Angie ran the ticket stall alongside Monty who did souvenirs. His fast talking combined with Angie’s sweet demeanor  guaranteed sales. The food station was run by Jim and was set up just outside the big top, where Bucky and Jessica were taking tickets at the entrance. The seats inside were fair game so everyone got to choose where they sat and each seat had a program on it that was full of pictures of the circus troupe and information about the acts. After everyone took their seats they closed the tent entrance and Jessica made her way inside while Bucky stayed where he was. Sometimes stragglers came to the show or people needed to leave early so he kept watch just in case.

 

Deborah and Devon, also known as the Flying Twins, were the opening act: they were a trapeze act that involved a lot of trust and even more practice. Devon was the catcher and Deborah was the flyer; he jumped off of a board holding onto a bar and swung while doing tricks. He stopped his tricks just before Deborah jumped from her platform with a bar, so he could catch her and they could do a series of tricks that ultimately ended with them back on the platforms. The next act was the slackline: Gabe was the best slackliner to ever be in their circus. Walking on a slackline was much harder than walking on a tightline or tightrope because there was barely any tension so balancing was more difficult. Gabe was incredible - not only could he balance, he could do a variety of things on the line including skipping. He was a crowd favourite and for good reason.

 

Then it was Maria, Gwen, and Wanda; Maria and Gwen were rhythmic gymnasts. They performed with ribbons along to Wanda’s music and sometimes incorporated other elements into their performance. That night’s addition was a set of brightly coloured sparklers that were lit near the end of the performance - Bucky made sure to let air in once they were lit. Next came Camilla who juggled while unicycling, followed by Peter the contortionist. He was new to performing because he'd just turned 17 and wasn't allowed to perform prior to that, but he was incredibly flexible and agile which made him eye-catching and a great act.

 

During intermission the younger troupe members came out with their hoops and played around in the ring until Dugan came out for his strong-man routine. He lifted weights, barbells, medicine balls, and an anvil, among other things. He was followed by Kate and her flaming arrows and Clint’s magic show. Peggy finished the show with a speech about how grateful she was for the audience’s participation and support, and a shower of confetti and balloons.

 

That night was different though. Just before Clint finished his magic show, Steve came walking up to the tent.

 

*

 

Steve’s eyes widened when he saw Bucky and he smiled shyly, “Fancy seeing you here,” he said.

 

It took Bucky a minute to move past his initial surprise and land on confusion. “What’re you doing here?”

 

“You’re not happy to see me?” Steve frowned.

 

“Of course I am,” _I didn’t think I’d see you again._ “I’m just - how did you know?”

 

“You were talking about being part of the circus, Bucky,” he said. “Everyone at Shield knows there’s another circus in town so I took a chance and came.”

 

“You catch on quick,” was all Bucky could think to say.

 

“I’m really late,” Steve said. “I hate that I am but I had practice and obviously the train isn’t a great timesaver. I wish I could’ve been here at the start,” he sighed. “It’s been so long since I’ve actually been to a circus.”

 

“Really?” He often went to other circuses within their community to show his support, so that was strange to him.

 

“Mmm hmm. There’s barely enough time to rest so there’s absolutely no time for anything else. I used to go all the time…” Steve’s voice faded and he looked up at the night sky. “I really wanted to be here.”

 

He could feel Steve’s longing coming off of him in waves. He looked so drawn out and sad - nothing at all like he had the night before. It was so _sad_. Bucky recognized that longing very clearly because he understood it. It was a feeling that went bone deep and sometimes never went away. He didn’t know Steve at all but he hated that he was feeling that way.

 

“When’s your next show?” Bucky asked.

 

“In two days.”

 

“We have a show tomorrow night,” he said. “Same time, same place.”

 

Steve stared at Bucky with an odd look in his eyes, so Bucky continued. “If you catch the train a little earlier you could probably make it just in time to get tickets. The ticket booth opens half an hour before the show starts and we sell out pretty fast, but if you want I can save you one.”

 

“I’d love that,” Steve said. The twinkling lights on the tent made Steve’s eyes sparkle in the dim light. “Are you sure your troupe won’t mind you keeping a ticket? I know how important sales are.”

 

“Who said you were getting one for free?” Bucky teased.

 

Steve snorted, “I guess I just assumed you were gonna be a gentleman and pay my way.”

 

“You know what happens when you assume…”

 

“It makes an ass out of yo _u_ and me!” Steve exclaimed with a cute little grin. The sight of it made Bucky’s heart speed up a fraction.

 

“In the spirit of being a gentleman, I can throw in a good seat _and_ half price cotton candy,” Bucky said and shrugged. “But only if you promise to keep my gentlemanly ways a secret. I can’t have everyone knockin’ on my door askin’ for this kind of stuff you know.”

 

“I can only imagine the trouble that’d cause. With those looks you must already be beatin’ ‘em off with a stick,” he replied, smirking. “It’d be chaos if they knew you were a sweetheart.”

 

Bucky blushed almost immediately. Steve was flirting with him! He could hardly believe it - it’d been quite some time since anyone had been interested in him. The feeling was definitely mutual.

 

“You’ve got a secret of mine,” Bucky said. “When do I get one of yours?”

 

Steve’s eyes raked over him for a minute and when he met Bucky’s gaze, they were smoldering. “Hmm… you’ve gotta wait for that, Buck. Good things come to those who wait.”

 

There was a soft knock on the canvas door of the tent, meaning that the show was over and Bucky needed to open it up. The moment was broken instantly and Bucky remembered that he actually had a job to do. He rolled the canvas to one side and clipped it so that it was out of the way and stepped out of the way. Steve moved with him, stepped out of the way just as people started to come out.

 

“I should go,” Steve said and Bucky’s heart sank. It must’ve shown on his face because Steve walked closer and touched his arm. “No one knows I’m gone, so I’ve gotta get back before they realize. But I’m coming back tomorrow - you owe me a ticket.”

 

“I’ll hold you to that.”

 

“See you Buck,” Steve said and walked off.

 

“Bye Steve,” he mumbled to himself. People filtered out of the tent slowly and created a sea of bodies, making him lose sight of Steve very quickly. It was better that way because otherwise he’d have watched Steve the entire time and not greeted the patrons. He wished a good night to as many people as he could and smiled cheerfully at them while ignoring the gnawing sadness that came with Steve leaving.

 

It was unsettling that he was already so attached to him because they’d only met twice, but he couldn’t help himself. Talking to Steve was just so _easy_ and natural; he felt like he’d known him forever. Them meeting was fate and Steve finding him again was more of the same. Nothing like that had ever happened to him before and he wanted to keep feeling it no matter what.

 

*

 

Since they were having a show the next night, only the props needed to be put away which didn’t take very long. The longest part of the clean up was getting rid of the balloons and confetti - the confetti was the real pain. Bucky was in the middle of sweeping up a large chunk of it when Angie snuck up on him. “You gonna tell me who he was?” she asked.

 

Bucky did not squeak, absolutely not. “Jesus Angie! One of these days you’re gonna kill me with that!”

 

“Oh please,” she scoffed. “Your dramatics aren’t gonna get you out of answering me.”

 

“You really did scare me.”

 

“Who was your mystery man, Jimmy?”

 

He cringed at her, “I hate when you call me that.”

 

“James Buchanan,” she started.

 

“Just this guy I met, okay?” he said. “I met him when I went to the _Shield Inc_ show,” he added before she could ask.

 

She put her hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes at him. “Is that why you were gone so long? You were messin’ around with him?”

 

“Oh my god,” he said, his cheeks flushing red. “Their show was really long, Angie. We met after the show and we talked a little, he asked if I wanted to get a drink and I said I couldn’t ‘cause I had to get back here.”

 

Her sour expression quickly turned into a smile, “You met a boy!” she shouted. “It’s been so long since you’ve had any gentleman callers.”

 

“Please stop.”

 

“Really Bucky you’ve been in need of companionship,” she was deliberately speaking like that to make him uncomfortable. It was equal parts funny and horrifying. “A beau might do you some good.”

 

“This is the worst,” he said. “I need to wash out my ears with bleach.”

 

Angie cackled, “You’re too easy. You should see your face - you’re turning green!”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes and resumed sweeping. He wanted to let her get it out of her system before saying anything else.

 

“When do we get to meet him?” she asked.

 

 _Never_ , he thought. “It’s a little soon. I mean we just met last night, it’s too early to meet the family.”

 

“You’re not ashamed of us, are you?” her voice was much quieter. “I know having a circus family would be embarrassing for most people and you’ve been kind of down lately…”

 

He dropped the broom and turned to look at her. He took her hands in his and looked her in the eyes. “Of course I’m not ashamed. You’re my family and I love you - I’m _proud_ to have you as family. You took us in and helped ma raise me after dad died; you guys mean the world to me.”

 

“I’m so glad you stuck around after Becca left,” her words were thick with emotion. “Really Bucky, I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

 

He knew they all loved him, of course he did, but it was always nice to hear it. Sometimes he really did need the extra reassurance that he was wanted there. Moments like that were why he never left the circus; even when he was upset and craved adventure, they were his family and he never wanted to lose them.

 

“You’re a big softie Ang,” Bucky teased half-heartedly. Sometimes it was too much to deal with emotions for too long, so breaking through a sincere moment with a joke helped. “Who would’ve guessed.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “Sweep up this mess ya little smartass.”

 

“Yes Ms. Martinelli.”

 

“You cut that shit out right now!” she hissed and picked up a handful of confetti to throw at him.

 

*

 

The next day was more of the same in terms of preparation and events, but Bucky was definitely more upbeat. His conversation with Angie had made him feel much better in general and he had the promise of Steve coming to see the show to look forward to. His excitement was showing in how quickly he finished his tasks and managed to help out other people, and his demeanour entirely.

 

Steve arrived 20 minutes before the show was due to start. Bucky was waiting by the entrance to the grounds with a ticket in his pocket and he grinned when he saw him. Steve reacted the same way but managed to school his expression. “Look at that,” Steve said. “Service with a smile.”

 

“I just came to make sure you didn’t get too far in before I could tell you that I don’t have a ticket for you,” he said in as serious a voice as he could muster. The corner of his mouth was twitching as he fought to hold back a smile and he knew Steve could tell. “Sorry.”

 

“Well at least you tried,” Steve shrugged. “I guess I’ll be going,” he said and turned to walk back down the path.

 

“Oh shit!” Bucky gasped. “I appear to have a ticket after all.”

 

Steve turned on his heel. “Would ya look at that.”

 

“What’s it worth to ya?” he murmured.

 

Steve narrowed his eyes, “A secret I’ve been keeping about a certain gentleman.”

 

“How long have you kept it for?”

 

“12 hours probably,” Steve replied. “I’m sure other people would like to know but I’m good like that.”

 

Bucky laughed and took the ticket out of his pocket. “Okay the ticket’s yours. I think I also owe you a half price cotton candy.”

 

“And a good seat,” Steve added, snatching the ticket from him. “Thanks Bucky,” he said. “I’ve been really excited about this since last night.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I’ve wanted to come see one of your shows again for so long but I never had the chance to.”

 

“Again?” Bucky couldn’t help but ask.

 

Steve blushed and nodded. People started to come through the entrance so the two of them walked away in silence. Bucky wanted him to answer his question but he wouldn't prod; making him uncomfortable was the last thing he wanted to do. He led them to the snack area and quickly realized his mistake - Angie and Monty were both staring at him with knowing looks. “Hello boys,” Angie said just as Monty asked “What can I get ya?”

 

“A cotton candy,” Bucky said and willed Angie to not make a fuss. Surprisingly it wasn't Angie he had to worry about.

 

“Ordering for me already?” Steve crooned. “My oh my, this is only our first date! Are you askin’ me to go steady so soon?”

 

“A first date!” Monty gasped. “Well this is a special occasion. I can offer you a great price on a soda to go with that cotton candy.”

 

Steve pretended to think about it then replied, “That sounds wonderful. Pay the man, Bucky.”

 

“Yeah,” Monty chirped. “Pay the man Bucky!”

 

“Family discount,” Angie interrupted. “Bucky is very important around here - one of our oldest boys actually - so he gets a special discount.” She completely made that up as she went, but it was sweet.

 

“Thanks Angie,” Bucky said, smiling at her. He turned to Steve, “Steve this is Angie. She's my favourite out of all of these jerks I call family.”

 

Angie beamed at him.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Steve said and offered his hand. “I'm Steve - Steve Rogers,” he sounded a little nervous. “Bucky’s friend.”

 

“It’s friend now?” Monty asked, his eyebrows raised.

 

“ _Monty_ ,” Bucky hissed. “Do not.”

 

“He’s the one who said it!”

 

“He’s got a point,” Steve said. “I was kidding before. We’re not there yet.”

 

“Yet?” Bucky murmured and caught the blush rising on the back of Steve’s neck. He bit his lip to contain his excitement. “Steve, in case you couldn’t tell this is Monty. He’s a little shit.”

 

“Bucky’s just jealous ‘cause I have youth and he doesn’t,” Monty said and shook Steve’s hand. “I also have manners and he doesn’t.”

 

“Excuse you Monty, I had a hand in raising him!” Angie cut in. “Bucky is a wonderful young man and anyone would be lucky to have him.”

 

Steve was watching their exchange with a starry-eyed expression. His eyes were glistening and he was smiling, he looked entirely relaxed. Bucky didn’t know anyone who could be calm while Monty and Angie were bickering, not unless they’d spent time with the two of them. The other troupe members were immune to it by then, but Steve shouldn’t have been. Instead of looking put off he seemed to be enjoying himself. He looked right at home.

 

“Guys? We’ve gotta find a good seat so…” Bucky said.

 

Angie and Monty looked away from each other and back at him. Monty hand the sense to look sheepish, “Whoops. For the wait you can have your stuff free of charge,” he said and turned to the food. He grabbed a bottle of Coke out of the little ice box and a bag of cotton candy, handing them to Steve.

 

“Have a good time,” Angie said and smiled at the two of them.

 

“See ya later,” Bucky replied.

 

“It was really nice meeting you,” Steve called as they walked away.

 

As they walked to the tent they passed a few of the troupe members; Wanda winked at them, Dugan was drinking water by one of the portable restrooms and whistled at them, some of the kids ran by them and stared curiously at Steve. All in all it was extremely embarrassing for Bucky but it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.

 

Still, that little _we’re not there yet_ Steve had said was on his mind. He wanted to know if Steve had meant it or not - if he were actually interested in going out with him. With their circus moving out in a few days and Steve’s circus being an unknown variable, there really wasn’t much time to mess around. He didn’t want to risk missing out on something good by just letting it slip by. “About what you said earlier,” he started.

 

Steve cut him off, “I came on a little strong,” he admitted. “I'm really sorry about that - I talk a lot when I'm nervous and sometimes stuff just comes out without me meaning it to.”

 

“Did you mean any of it?” he asked quietly.

 

“Yes. I didn't expect to come right out with it like that though,” Steve sighed. “I'm usually smoother.”

 

“I have a hard time believing that,” Bucky knocked his hip into Steve’s. “You were smooth as hell back there.”

 

“You think so?” Steve asked and Bucky nodded. “That wasn't even my best work.”

 

“In that case, you'll have to show me what you can do some other time.”

 

“Just to be clear, we are talking about my ability to get free snacks from Angie and Monty right?”

 

“You're such a punk,” Bucky said, smiling.

 

“You know you like it, jerk.”

 

“Mmm you got me. I really do.”

 

They made it to the tent entrance where Jessica was already taking tickets. She quirked her eyebrow at him and waved them through. “Are you escorting me to my seat?” Steve asked.

 

“Why of course. I need to make sure you get there safely, don't I?”

 

“Such a chivalrous man,” Steve sighed dreamily. “I've found the last good man in America.”

 

“Don't swoon, doll. I can't catch you properly right now,” he said and led Steve to the staircase that ran through the middle of the seats. He unlatched the small gate that separated the rings and the seats and gestured for Steve to go up ahead of him.

 

Steve smirked at him and walked up, subtly swaying his hips as he went. Bucky rolled his eyes but his entire body hummed at just the sight of it. Steve was something else - he was different than anyone he'd ever met.

 

Some people had already chosen their seats, but there were still good seats left. Bucky pointed to a seat in the centre of the middle section. It was definitely one of the best seats they had and funnily enough, there was a seat left beside it. Steve sat down and looked from the seat to Bucky. “I'm guessing you can't watch with me,” he said.

 

“I usually stand at the door,” Bucky said sullenly. “I need to make sure that it's open at the end of the show and if anyone needs to go in or out before that.”

 

Steve nodded. “Oh, okay. I should've guessed that.”

 

He really wanted to keep Steve company, but he couldn't very well abandon his post. “I want to,” he murmured. “Believe me, I do.”

 

“S’okay Buck. You're part of what makes the magic happen - you've gotta do your part.”

 

“Me?” Bucky scoffed. “I'm just crew.”

 

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. “Crew?”

 

“I set stuff up and that's it,” he mumbled. He stopped speaking as more people filtered into the area. Steve was still staring at him but his expression was sad. Bucky couldn't take it, he didn't want his pity.

 

He turned just in time to see Peggy strolling up to the divider. She smiled slyly at him and waved him over.

 

“Hey Peg.”

 

“Hello Bucky,” she replied. “I've just come to tell you that tonight is your night off.”

 

“What?”

 

“Jessica offered to watch the door for you,” she looked over at where Steve was sitting briefly. “You're free to take a seat and relax.”

 

“I'm so lucky to have you guys as my family,” he whispered and kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you Peggy.”

 

“There's no need to thank us, that's what family is for,” she said. “Well maybe Jessica - you know how she can get it.”

 

“I'll make sure to.”

 

“Now go have fun!”

 

Bucky chuckled to himself and walked back to where Steve was. Thankfully the seat next to him was still empty so he could slide right in. “Tonight’s my night off,” he said.

 

Steve’s eyes lit up. “This is going to be an _amazing_ night, I just know it.”

 

He was absolutely right about that.

 

It had been so long since Bucky had actually watched their show. He'd been throwing himself into his work ever since his mother had died and Becca left; he constantly convinced himself that he didn't have any time to watch. He couldn't bring himself to see the show because he knew what was missing - the trapeze artist and the fire-eater. There was a hole in the family and he didn't like to see it up close and personal; if he didn't see the show, he didn't need to deal with his true feelings. Seeing it for the first time in a long time was an eye opener - their show was fantastic! Every part of it was full of magic and excitement, so much so that he was enveloped in the spirit of it. He hollered and cheered at everyone and thoroughly enjoyed himself.

 

Every time he looked over at Steve he had a look of wonder on his face. He was watching so intently that he barely noticed Bucky taking glances at him and didn't eat any cotton candy or drink his Coke. He was transfixed and nothing could take his focus away. Near the end of the show, just as Peggy appeared in the centre of the ring, he realized that Steve was crying. In the dimness of the tent he couldn't really see much of his expression, but the tears were clear.

 

“Steve?” Bucky whispered, his voice full of concern.

 

Steve shook his head and didn’t respond. They reached for each others hand at the same time and held on tightly once their fingers met. Steve’s hand was shaking slightly so Bucky rubbed his thumb across the back of it in an attempt to soothe him. He had no idea why he was reacting in that way but he wanted to help as much as he could.

 

The confetti and balloons came down and the audience roared, and Steve held onto him tighter.

 

*

 

The two of them stayed in their seats long after everyone else had cleared out. They held hands until Steve’s tears stopped and he wiped his face off frantically with his sleeves. His cheeks were red from embarrassment and his eyes were puffy from crying, but Bucky didn’t say a thing about it. He decided to wait for him to talk before saying anything.

 

“My ma took me to one of your shows when I was little,” he started. “I remember it so vividly; it was all so colourful and bright and beautiful. Everything was lit up, there were games and candy stalls, I was just so excited. The thing I remember most is the sign at the entrance; _The Howling Commandos_ ,” Steve sighed. “I had never seen anything like it.”

 

Steve grabbed his untouched Coke and started fiddling with the cap. “I remember your mother,” he murmured. “She was so talented and the way she moved on the trapeze was just… it was gorgeous. Everyone here was so happy and devoted to their work - it inspired me. It made me want to join a circus.”

 

“And you did,” was all Bucky could think to say.

 

Steve nodded. “I did, but it wasn’t anything like _The Howling Commandos_ at all. I worked so hard to get into shape and to learn the trade, I established myself as a performer in smaller circuits and then I got scouted by _Shield Inc_. I was so happy that I was going to be in a real circus that I didn’t even care about the heavy contract I needed to sign - I signed it without even thinking. Then I officially joined and everything changed.

 

Before I could choreograph my own routines and I loved it. I made my own costumes and did everything myself, I had friends who were like family who supported me in whatever I did. In _Shield_ there’s no freedom to do any of that. I do whatever routine they decide after screening a crowd to see what they respond to, my costumes are made for me, every choice is made by the director. No one’s family there either; it’s just a job for every performer. I only know two people; Natasha who’s the director’s adopted daughter and Bruce who’s the medic. Even them I don’t really know.”

 

He sounded heartbroken by what he was admitting, and Bucky felt it. Steve seeing his mother in her prime and being inspired by so unexpected it was bordering on overwhelming. The very reason Steve joined _Shield Inc_ was their circus, and everyone found _Shield Inc_ threatening. They’d only met because Bucky wanted to size up the competition, but they could’ve met before then. Who knew if they’d brushed by each other when Steve had gone to see them? No one could.

 

It felt like destiny, really.

 

“How long is your contract for?” Bucky asked.

 

“Another 5 years.”

 

He took a deep breath. “We haven’t had anyone on trapeze since my ma passed away. No one’s wanted to take her place.”

 

“I want to leave _Shield_ ,” he admitted. “Some days I want to leave so badly it pains me, but I can’t. If I break my contract with them they’ll make sure no one else ever takes me.”

 

There had to be a way to help him, and if anyone knew how it would be Peggy. The only problem with that was that he didn’t know if he should tell her that Steve worked for _Shield_. Even if she didn’t care about that, some people would be wary of Steve. “I want to help you,” Bucky said. “If you’ll let me.”

 

“How?”

 

“We’ll find a way.”

 

Steve put down his coke on the seat beside him and turned back to Bucky, taking both of his hands in his. “I really like you, Bucky. I really want to go out with you sometime, but I don’t want you thinking that I’m using you. I didn’t tell you this so that you’d feel obligated to help me.”

 

“I know you didn’t,” he assured him. “I wanna help you because you deserve it, not because I feel obligated to, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“And I want to go out with you too,” he smiled. “Would that be our first date or is this?”

 

That got Steve to laugh. “Since we were too busy flirting to see if either of us thought it was a date, this one doesn’t count.”

 

“Well you can’t fault a guy for tryin’.”

 

“I want to kiss you,” Steve murmured. “But we haven’t been on a date yet and I don’t want you to think I’m easy,” he said with a wink.

 

“Mmm… we should save our first kiss for our date.”

 

His shoulders slumped. “Unfortunately that’s not tonight.”

 

“You should probably be going soon, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’ll walk you to the station.”

 

“Thanks Bucky.”

 

Walking Steve to the station wasn't as saddening as he thought it would be. It could've been because he knew how Steve felt about him now or because they held hands the whole way, there was no way of knowing. It became more difficult when they got there because they both realized they had to let go.

 

Bucky sighed at the sight of the entrance. “Here we are.”

 

Steve tugged him closer and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist. “Come see me tomorrow night,” he whispered. “Our show is earlier so maybe we could go out after?”

 

That worked perfectly; tomorrow was their break night. They had no show so that everyone could get some rest. “What time?”

 

“7, so maybe come by at 8:30.”

 

“I'll be there.”

 

Steve smiled at him. “See you then,” he said and kissed him on the cheek before walking away.

 

*

 

Everyone was buzzing at the campsite the next day. They all wanted to know who Steve was, when they met, if they were going out. It was the best gossip they'd had in a long time and beyond that they were happy to see him enjoying himself.

 

Bucky sought Peggy out first thing in the morning. He was nervous to tell her about Steve’s situation but he knew that soon enough they'd be moving to their next location, so he had no time to waste. He found her in one of the bigger vans getting ready to make a run to the grocery store.

 

He jogged up to the drivers side and leaned against the door. “Hey Peg.”

 

“Hi Bucky,” she replied. “What’s gotten you up so early on this fine morning?”

 

“Do you mind if I come along for the ride?” he asked instead of coming out with what he really wanted to say.

 

“Of course! I'd love some company, actually.”

 

“Awesome,” he said and ran to the other side. He hopped into the passenger seat and the van roared to life. “So what's today’s mission?”

 

“Some of the children are dying for a snack they heard an advertisement for last night. I've been told they're on the verge of fainting and some have even passed out - it's quite the situation.”

 

Bucky chuckled. “So you've decided to brave the harsh terrain and get them it?”

 

“I can't have them dying on me! What would I do without my precious worker bees,” she said and winked at him. “Plus they've all been working very hard and behaving well so they deserve a treat.”

 

“I completely agree.”

 

They were both silent for a little while, and Bucky could feel the tension spilling off of him. He hoped that she couldn't but it was Peggy Carter; she was very observant and intuitive.

 

“What's going on darling?” she asked him.

 

He started twiddling his thumbs nervously. “Do you know anything about contracts?”

 

“What kind of contracts?”

 

“For work. Let's say you signed a contract that made you have to work for someone for x amount of years but you're unhappy because you're not being treated well, so you want to break it off.”

 

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Breaking a contract is very serious. Regardless of how in depth a contract is, you’ll have to get a great lawyer to dispute it.”

 

He was afraid of that. “Do you happen to know any great lawyers?”

 

She pulled onto a side street and stopped the car. “What is this about it?”

 

He sighed. “The guy you saw me with… his name is Steve Rogers. He's in a bad spot right now because he signed a contract without really reading it and now he's stuck working where he hates.”

 

“Hating something isn't enough grounds to stop a contract, Bucky.”

 

“He has another 5 years with them and he's dealing with a lot because of that.”

 

“What work is he doing?” she asked. Something in her tone told him she already knew.

 

“He, uh, he's a trapeze artist… for _Shield Inc_.”

 

“Oh Bucky,” she said, looking out the window. “This isn't good. I've been doing some reading up on them and they're a large company. They know what they're doing and they definitely won't let one of the stars of their show go without a fight.”

 

“He needs out of it, Peg. He's really unhappy there.”

 

“That isn't enough to go on,” she said softly. “I've never had a contract myself but I don't think that being unhappy is grounds to terminate.”

 

“There has to be something we can do. I need to help him.”

 

“You've always had a heart too big for your body,” she said and touched his cheek. “I worry about that sometimes - you could get hurt because of it.”

 

“He won't hurt me.”

 

“I trust your judgement but if he does he'll have more enemies than he can count.” She turned the van back on and pulled away from the curb. “I know a man who may be able to help. His name is Hank Pym and he's not exactly a lawyer but he's knowledgeable and convincing.”

 

“Do you think he'd be willing to help?”

 

“Definitely - he owes me one.”

 

“Thank you so much.”

 

Peggy trusting him enough to help someone she didn't trust yet spoke volumes about how much she loved him. She was there for him no matter what and it made his heart ache pleasantly.

 

“I'll make a call to him later today and we'll go from there.”

 

*

 

Getting to Steve’s show was a lot faster in a truck. Dugan gave him the keys to his pickup truck and wished him good luck before sending him off. Bucky packed a blanket and a small basket of food for a picnic then drove off. He turned the radio on and smiled when _The Ronettes_ started playing. Gabe would’ve laughed at him for singing along, but he no one was with him so he didn’t hold back.

 

“So won’t you, please, be my, be my baby! Be my little baby, my one and only baby! Say you’ll be my darlin’,” he belted out. It was easily one of the catchiest songs he’d ever heard and he adored it like no other. He hummed it long after it was over and something else had come on, so when he pulled up to the bar he was back to singing it.

 

A crowd of people were just coming out of the bar so he put the car in park and rolled down the window. The night air was cool and just right - the only bad thing about it was that people were smoking and the breeze carried it right to him. He rolled the windows back up a little and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel while he waited.

 

“I can’t believe he fell,” he heard someone say as they walked past. He sat up straight and his eyes widened because he knew who’d fallen without even having to ask.

 

“He wasn’t as good as he usually is tonight so I bet he was distracted. Of course you’ll fall when you’re not paying attention to what you’re doing.”

 

“It’s still shitty. I hope he’s not hurt too badly.”

 

“I don’t think it was that far a drop.”

 

Bucky was out of the truck and moving before he even realized. He pushed his way through the crowd and ran through the alley, straight toward the service entrance. The door was unlocked so he slipped inside without a thought. There were no staff running around near there which was a blessing - the last thing he needed was to be caught trespassing.

 

He made his way to the main area and saw Steve sitting on the stage with an older man standing in front of him. He stopped in the doorway and remained absolutely quiet in order to hear what they were saying and to not be caught.

 

“You were distracted, Steven,” the man was saying. His voice was neutral but had a slight edge to it as if he were holding back his anger. “Accidents happen when you’re not doing your job properly.”

 

Steve glared at him. “I was doing fine, the bar wasn’t properly secured.”

 

“If that’s the case, why didn’t the bar fall with you?”

 

“It was lowering but wobbling badly, so I fell off of it. It didn’t come down on me because it’s the rest of it is tethered but the actual bar was too loose.”

 

“I have no interest in your poorly formed excuses. You’ve been on distracted since DC and your performance isn’t cutting it. You don’t get paid for half-assed shows, Steven.”

 

Steve clenched his teeth but otherwise remained calm. “I am trying my hardest, Pierce, but you keep changing the routine. I can’t accommodate your constant last minute changes because I need time to practice and make sure everything is set.”

 

“You’re coasting on whatever talent you believe you have and that is unacceptable. Adapting is what you do; it’s in your contract - unless you didn’t read that,” Pierce sneered. “ _All acts are subject to change without notice and performers are to work around such an event_.”

 

“So bench me then,” Steve said. “If I’m doing terribly and not meeting your demands, bench me.”

 

“I would if I could but people seem to like you. We are a business first and foremost, which means we meet our customer's expectations.”

 

“I joined thinking this was a circus.”

 

Pierce sighed. “We took a chance on you and you’re proving to not be worth the investment. It’s a huge disappointment for everyone. The Director is not going to be pleased when he finds out about your mistakes.”

 

“Is Bruce coming to check on me?” Steve asked, dismissing Pierce completely.

 

“We both know you’re fine so there’s no use wasting his time.”

 

“I have the right to be seen by a medical professional in the event of an accident.”

 

“Walk it off,” Pierce turned away from him then added, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed your random disappearances either, Steven. If you make a habit of abandoning the troupe and not taking care of your responsibilities, there will be punishment.”

 

 _Punishment?_ Bucky thought. _What kind of punishment is he talking about?_

 

“Keep that in mind when you go out tonight,” he said and left.

 

Steve laid back on the stage, sighing heavily. Bucky took that opportunity to walk over to him. “Are you alright?”

 

He nodded and sat back up. “So you heard all that.”

 

“Yeah, but I'm more concerned with you falling. How bad was it?”

 

“Not too bad,” he said. “Honestly it was more of a shock than anything else. I've never fallen - not since I was just learning, anyway.”

 

“How far up were you?”

 

“Maybe a foot or two? It was on the way down but the bar was swaying and the safety net was already put away.”

 

Bucky couldn't help himself; he wrapped his arms around Steve tightly, holding him close. “I'm so glad you weren't hurt,” he murmured.

 

Steve tucked his face against Bucky’s neck and hugged him back. “I haven't been able to stop thinking about you all day.” He sighed softly. “Is it inappropriate to say I’m falling for you right now?”

 

He snorted loudly and pushed Steve away from him. “That was absolutely awful.”

 

“I do what I can with what I’ve got.” He looked all too pleased with himself.

 

Bucky felt as if someone were watching them and realized that that was probably true; they weren’t anywhere near alone. “We should probably go soon,” he said. “If you still want to go out.”

 

Steve lit up. “Hell yes! Let's go.”

 

“Don't you need to grab anything?”

 

He shook his head. “The only thing I'm leaving is my rack of costumes and the crew gets those.”

 

 _The crew._ It bothered him to hear that Steve was just leaving his stuff to get cleaned up by the crew even though he knew it was how things worked. That feeling was clear on his face without a doubt. Steve stood up and grabbed Bucky’s hand. “Are you okay?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” Bucky pasted on a small smile. “Let's get going.”

 

*

 

They drove into a wooded area faraway from where the _Shield Inc._ troupe were staying and parked. They left the cab and got into the back where Bucky had spread out the blanket he'd brought. Steve’s cheeks flushed at the sight of it and Bucky was instantly embarrassed by what Steve could've been thinking. “I thought we could have a picnic? I brought some food and drinks.”

 

“I figured we'd just go out to eat somewhere - I must say I like this _way_ better,” Steve said. “Being away from the city… it's so nice.”

 

“I'm glad you're on board.” He grabbed the basket and started to take things out. “I brought a variety of goodies; some sandwiches, Cokes, cotton candy, popcorn -”

 

“Is that Fruit-Tella?” Steve squawked.

 

Bucky held up the package. “You bet! The kids were begging Peggy to get them some and she got a ton,” he said, handing it to Steve.

 

He tore into the bag. “It's been so long since I've had these!”

 

“Well, they're all yours.”

 

Steve pretended to swoon. “This is the best date _ever._ ”

 

“Now I know how to win your heart, Steve. That’s dangerous information.”

 

The playfulness in Steve’s expression dropped away and replaced by something far more intense. “I wasn’t playin’ at the bar, Buck. When I told you I’m falling for you I was serious.”

 

He felt as if he were a box of matches that had all been struck at once. Knowing Steve was falling for him was intoxicating; they hadn’t known each other for long at all, but they were both tumbling headfirst into each other. It should’ve been scary but it just wasn’t and he didn’t understand why.

 

“I’m falling for you too,” Bucky’s admission warmed the chill of the night air. “Ever since I saw you I felt this connection… I’ve never…” he sighed. “You’re one of a kind.”

 

Steve put his candy down and closed the space between them, kissing Bucky gently. Bucky pulled him closer instinctively, so much so that he was practically in his lap, and kissed him back. They melted into each other, their kisses slow and sweet. Steve touched Bucky with such care, as if he were the most precious thing he’d ever been given, and it was dizzying. He’d never been treated that way before and he suddenly craved it like nothing else.

 

He craved Steve, and it appeared that Steve felt the same way about him.

 

They ended up lying down on the blanket, holding each other as close as they possibly could and just breathing each other in. Even though they were still in the city the stars were bright and clear; it was a perfect night to be stargazing. Having Steve pressed up against him was the highlight of his week, maybe even his month or year. It was quiet and peaceful, way different than what he was used to.

 

“Sometimes I think about settling down,” Bucky said and traced a shape on Steve’s back.

 

Steve hummed. “In the woods?”

 

“Somewhere quiet, where I can see the stars.”

 

“Mmm. I can imagine you living in a cabin or something.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve said. “You could settle down and make a life for yourself.”

 

“What would I do for work? I don't have any training or schooling.” It came out a little more self deprecating than he'd meant it too and he stiffened slightly.

 

Steve frowned and shifted to look at him better. “You don't need anything other than your skills, Bucky.”

 

“Skills?” he scoffed. “I'm crew.”

 

“You have this problem with being a crew member and I really don’t understand it,” Steve said. “You told me at your show and I saw your face in the bar when I mentioned the crew; why does it upset you so much?”

 

“I just…” Bucky looked away from him. “I’m the only one of the Barneses who hasn’t ever been part of an act. My ma did trapeze and my sister was a fire-eater and my aunt who was in the circus before them was a tightrope walker. I don’t have the skills or the nerve to be a performer so I’m just part of the crew.”

 

“Do you look down on the other crew members?”

 

“Of course not! They’re my family.”

 

“So why are you beating yourself up about it? You guys are all doing the same thing which is extremely important, but you’re singling yourself out and acting like you being part of the crew is the worst thing ever. You’re not being very fair.”

 

Bucky couldn’t bring himself to argue with him. He knew that what he was saying was right, but he couldn’t accept it so quickly. He also didn’t want their first date to be ruined by his insecurities - that would be a waste of a night. He slid down and pressed his face against Steve’s neck.

 

“You deserve better than to think of yourself as less than,” Steve whispered as he started to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair. “You’re worth so much more than you know, Buck.”

 

“I’ve never told anyone that before,” he mumbled. _Why do I already trust you so much?_

 

“I figured. You needed to get it out, and I’m glad you chose me to vent to.”

 

To break the seriousness of the situation, he asked “Should we eat now or kiss some more?”

 

Steve answered him by rolling them so that he could pin Bucky down against the blanket. He smirked down at him and gave him a quick kiss. “You’re too cute for your own good, Bucky Barnes.”

 

“I think it’s doin’ me pretty good right now,” he said cheekily. Steve rolled his eyes and kissed him again.

 

*

 

Driving Steve back to where he was staying was much harder than walking to him to the subway. Dropping him off and seeing him go inside without being able to go with him was going to be awful because all he wanted was for Steve to stay with him. What made matters worse was that he knew how Steve was being treated by Pierce; he didn’t want to send him back to that.

 

Steve sat right beside him, pressing his body close and leaning his head on Bucky’s shoulder as he drove. The warmth coming off of him was reassuring and calmed his nerves like nothing else. As they neared the hotel where _Shield Inc._ was staying, Bucky remembered his conversation with Peggy.

 

“I talked to Peggy today,” he said and continued without waiting for Steve to respond. “She knows someone who might be able to help you.”

 

Steve looked at him but he didn’t take his eyes off of the road. “You told her everything, right?” _You told her I’m with Shield?_ was what he really meant.

 

“Yeah and she still wants to help.”

 

“I thought she’d be angry with you for even talking to me, let alone helping me. I know everyone in your family must dislike _Shield_ for coming in out of nowhere like this.”

 

Bucky exhaled loudly. “They aren’t thrilled.”

 

“I know that there’s a way to do things between troupes; there’s a respect that you have for each other and have to earn, or else it’s chaos. _Shield_ stomped all over that without caring, which is one of the reasons I regret signing with them,” Steve said.

 

“We’re gonna help you,” Bucky promised. “Soon you’ll be free of them.”

 

“I wish I were part of your family,” Steve whispered so lowly Bucky had to strain to hear it. They pulled up to the hotel and Bucky turned in his seat.

 

“Be strong, Steve. You only have to wait it out a little longer.”

 

Steve smiled sadly and kissed him, pouring everything out like that. Bucky groaned and cupped Steve’s face, keeping him close. They were so caught up in each other that they didn’t notice Pierce watching from one of the lower balconies.

 

*

 

In the following days, Steve snuck away from _Shield_ as much as he could. He and Bucky spent more and more time getting to know each other, so much so that they became _SteveBucky_ to Bucky’s family. They were rarely apart when they were together because they couldn’t waste any of the time they had together.

 

With everyone seeing how close they were, the time to tell them all the truth came quickly. Peggy gathered everyone in the big top and helped make sure that they all knew the seriousness of the situation.

 

“So you’re trying to leave _Shield._ ” Gabe said, his eyes sweeping over Steve critically. He was always wary of people’s character and he had every right to be. “Let’s say you do manage to win; what’s your plan going forward?”

 

Steve replied “I love that I do, I really do, so I’d like to keep performing.”

 

“They’re not gonna just let you work for another circus,” Gabe sighed. “They’d be idiots to let you do that.”

 

“Corporations are so _slimy_ ,” Monty grumbled. “Taking someone’s dream and using it against them is terrible.”

 

Peggy stepped out of the group and went to stand beside Steve and Bucky. “I’ve talked to Hank already, and I’ve got good news. He despises _Shield_ because of a past issue so he’s more than willing to go after them.”

 

“Hank Pym?” Angie asked. Peggy nodded, smiling at her. “He’s a shark! He’ll go at ‘em with everything he has!”

 

Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and held on tight. “See? We can do this.”

 

“Are you in love?” Priscilla asked. Both of them turned bright red immediately and Monty caught on fast.

 

“They are!” he shouted. “Bucky and his man-friend are in love!”

 

The tension in the tent dissipated and everyone started whooping and hollering at them. Unbeknownst to him, they’d all been waiting for him to find someone who made him happy. Now that he had he was at the mercy of their heckling.

 

Somewhere in the midst of their rowdiness, Steve leaned in and whispered “Are we, Buck?”

 

Bucky smiled. “I know I am.”

 

“Thank god,” Steve said and flung himself at him.

 

*

 

The entire family accepted Steve after that. They'd liked him before they knew about _Shield_ but after they'd found out their affection only grew. Because _The Edge of Mystery_ still had shows left at that venue, Steve was able to sneak out to be with them more. _The Howling Commandos_ were set to be at their venue for another week at most, then they'd be moving to New Jersey. Somehow that didn't matter much; Steve and Bucky managed to ignore it because of how happy they were together.

 

Their happy bubble burst far too soon, although it wasn't much of a surprise.

 

Bucky was in the middle of letting the last few people into the big top when Steve came running up to him. His face was pale and his eyes were huge, his expression completely frantic. Jessica caught a look at him and waved Bucky off, shoving him towards Steve.

 

Bucky ran up to him and Steve grabbed him by the arm immediately. His grip was tight but he was trembling. “What's going on?” he asked.

 

“Pierce knows about us,” he cried. “He's been watching me carefully for a few days and I think he had someone follow me, because he knows all about you and your family.”

 

His heart started beating extremely fast. “Is he dangerous?”

 

“He won't harm you guys.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“He's called Director Fury and I have to go to Washington,” he whispered. “He'll decide if I can continue to perform for the rest of my contract or not.”

 

“What's the other option?”

 

“I didn't really read the contract, remember?” Steve chuckled emptily. “I was an idiot and I didn't read it fully so I don't know what they can do.” He let go of Bucky and rubbed at his throat over and over, the skin reddening.

 

“You are _not_ an idiot,” Bucky grabbed his hand and held it still. “You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep doing that.”

 

“What does it matter?” Steve whimpered. “I fucked up and now what?” Tears filled his eyes and his chest heaved from the effort of trying to hold himself together.

 

“We should talk about this somewhere else,” Bucky said and brought Steve away from the tents, leading him around the back to one of the vans. He opened the hatch and climbed in, Steve following suit. “We can handle this, you know we can.”

 

Steve curled in on himself, bringing his knees to his chest. “I should've known that this would happen,” he said as the first tear slipped down his cheek. “I haven’t been careful at all - I just rushed out without thinking and now this is what’s happened!”

 

“Can I hold you, sweetheart?” Bucky asked quietly. It was the first time he’d ever called Steve that, but he just wanted to show Steve that he was loved. As soon as Steve nodded he lurched forward and wrapped him up in a tight hug.

 

He stayed rigid against Bucky for a few minutes, trembling faintly. He could feel him struggling to hold himself together and it made him ache; why Steve felt the need to carry everything on his own shoulders confused him. He didn’t need to anymore - there were more than enough people willing to help him with whatever he needed. He had to know that.

 

“Peggy’ll get Hank here as soon as she can and he’ll get this sorted out,” he promised.

 

“I don’t want to go back there with them..”

 

That was always the problem; sending Steve back to _Shield_ was the worst part of the time they spent together, but it had only been necessary because of Steve’s contract and the secret they were keeping. With that out of the bag, it was possible that they could get away with more than they had.

 

“How fast can you grab your stuff?” Bucky asked.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I’ll take one of the vans and drive you to the hotel; all you’ve gotta do is go to your room and grab some stuff. How fast can you do that?”

 

Steve sagged against him. “Fifteen minutes tops? I have a carry-on bag that I keep a few things in at all times, the rest I can pack easily.”

 

“This has to be done _fast_ ,” he said.

 

“I can do it.”

 

Bucky kissed Steve’s hair and started to rub his back. Slowly Steve’s trembling stopped and his breathing evened, which was an immense relief. The sounds from the big top were soothing from a distance; the crowd’s excited shouts were muffled by the canvas, so every sound inside mixed together to form one hum. It was rare that Bucky was able to experience the circus that way - it was surreal.

 

They stayed that way for as long as they could, which was admittedly not very long. Bucky got out of the van and ran to find Angie. When he found her he told her all about what was happening; she didn’t look overly pleased but handed over the keys to her own truck and sent him away.

 

As it turned out, they made more fuss about getting Steve’s things than was necessary. It took all of fifteen minutes for the entire exchange; Steve got into the hotel easily and went to his room faster than Bucky thought he’d be able to. He came back with a bulging duffel bag and hopped into the passenger seat. Bucky drove away as calmly as he could, but his heartbeat had yet to even out.

 

“I feel like we’re Bonnie and Clyde,” Bucky mumbled to himself.

 

Steve grinned at him. He looked absolutely radiant when he shouted, “I feel _free_!”

 

*

 

Peggy managed to convince Hank Pym to come to the Bronx earlier than he’d planned, but that was still a few days away, so Steve stayed with them instead of returning to the hotel. The change in scenery did something to him - something fantastic - that allowed him to open himself up and show everyone who he really was without any fear of repercussions.

 

The way Steve fit in with the family was effortless; he made friends with all of them and helped whenever he could, doing whatever he could, without complaint. He spent most of his time in the big top, which wasn’t a surprise at all. Bucky often found him practicing different acts with the performers even though he wasn’t ever going to perform them; he was a quick study and could do just about anything he set his mind to.

 

Seeing him dance with Maria and Gwen took the cake. He was a beautiful dancer; he moved like the ribbons he was dancing with. His body was all smooth sinew, he oozed a practiced control over it but was still fluid and elegant. There was so much passion in him that it was almost difficult to watch without being swept away completely.

 

“You’re staring,” Gwen said out of nowhere, smirking at Bucky.

 

He blushed and glared at her. “I just came to see if you need anything. You’ve been practicing for a while.”

 

Maria snorted. “You came to see your boy - there’s no use lying about it Buck.”

 

Steve smiled bashfully at him. “How’s it goin’, Buck?”

 

He knew his expression was one of infinite softness, but he couldn’t help it. Steve coaxed all sorts of feelings out of him, all of them overwhelmingly warm. “Better now.”

 

Gwen rolled her eyes and grabbed onto Maria’s arm. “Let’s go get some water,” she said. Maria looked at Bucky and wiggled her eyebrows before they both left.

 

It took seconds for them to drift towards each other. They were like opposite magnets; they couldn’t stay apart for very long. Steve took Bucky’s hand and brought him over to the seats, where he pressed him against one of the supports. “What’d you think?” he asked.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Bucky gasped, Steve pressing against him harder. He loved the feeling of Steve’s body flush against his but it was so distracting. The heat of him made everything spill out of Bucky; having Steve close made him entirely too honest. “The way you move is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”

 

“I love the way you look at me,” Steve murmured, leaning into him. “You make me feel like I could take on the world.”

 

“You could,” Bucky said. “And you’d win.”

 

“As long as I have you by my side.”

 

Their lips met in a rush, the heat between them smoldering. Steve threaded his fingers through Bucky’s hair and pulled him down so that they fit together better. Their bodies met like waves against rock, slotting together over and over. They couldn’t touch each other enough - they wouldn’t be satisfied until they’d had every inch of each other.

 

“I love you,” Steve panted.

 

Bucky felt as if he were on fire. “I love you too,” he replied and pulled away a fraction. “We need to leave the tent now.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Maria and Gwen will be back any minute and they’ll kill us if they find us goin’ at it.”

 

“ _Goin’ at it_ ,” Steve repeated, chuckling. “You’re unbelievable,” he said and they ran out of the tent like they were being chased.

 

*

 

Waking up with Steve was a perk Bucky was enjoying. When Steve first arrived, Dugan handed them of the larger tents that wasn’t being used with a smug grin that flustered him to the core, and they started staying together right then. They quickly made the tent into a _love nest_ as Steve called it by putting their sleeping bags down side by side and lying blankets over them to make a little bed, complete with a few pillows.

 

Steve woke up with the sunrise while Bucky, on the other hand, did not. Bucky usually woke up to the sight of Steve stretching outside their tent or painting his nails; he loved the process of both of those. Steve stretching was a gift to mankind for obvious reasons, but the look of absolute concentration and almost concern on his face when he was painting his nails was amazing. Steve wouldn’t rest until his nails looked immaculate, so seeing his process was fascinating.

 

Another perk of Steve being so comfortable with them was Steve wearing whatever he wanted. He didn’t go completely outrageous, but it was different than what Bucky had seen him in before. His favourite outfit was a pair of hot pants, a loose sleeveless shirt, and a single fishnet stocking with the name _Rogers_ embroidered onto the band.

 

“Why do you wear one stocking?” Bucky asked one night. He trailed his fingers through the fine hairs on Steve’s chest and made him sigh happily.

 

“A fashion statement,” he answered.

 

“Really?”

 

Steve smiled and gave him a kiss. “No, I lost the other one a few years ago and I like them too much to part with this one too or get a new set.”

 

“I think it looks great on you,” Bucky said. “Tres chic.”

 

Steve laughed and snuggled closer to him. “Thanks, sugar. I’m glad you like it.”

 

“I like taking it off too.”

 

“Bleh,” Steve said, sticking his tongue out for dramatic effect. “That was nasty, so you’re hereby banned from this love nest for two nights.”

 

Bucky smiled. “You love me too much to ban me.”

 

“Mmm. You got me there.”

 

Sometimes Bucky found himself thinking of what it would be like if Steve joined their troupe. He knew Steve would definitely want to join if he could and the idea of him being in the circus that inspired him to become a performer was heartwarming, but when reality kicked in it was painful. If Steve joined, he’d be taking his mother’s spot.

 

Winifred Barnes performed with _The_ _Howling Commandos_ for most of her adult life; she was a trapeze artist unlike any other and was far above all of her competition. She had been the star of the show and the heart of their family up until the moment she passed away, and no one had it in them to take up the torch she’d left behind. Bucky wanted that spot to be empty forever as a tribute to her and everyone else had too, but with Steve there it was easy to see what could be.

 

His conflicting emotions were a difficult pill to swallow, that was for sure.

 

*

 

Hank Pym wasn’t the most physically imposing person, but the way he carried himself made up for that. He had an air of importance and confidence that was slightly off putting, only because he seemed to know more than everyone else.

 

Bucky, Steve, and Peggy met him at a coffee shop a few miles away from their camp. He was already waiting for them when they got there. He had a large notebook on the table along with an assortment of pens and a suspicious looking briefcase beside him. Peggy walked in ahead of them with her back straight and her chin up. She looked formidable and intimidating, like someone who you didn't want to mess with. Both Steve and Bucky were shocked by the change in her and followed her like well behaved children.

 

“Hello Hank,” Peggy addressed him, her voice clear and words crisp. “Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

 

Hank looked her up and down with a calculating expression before the corner of his lip started to twitch with amusement. “Always a pleasure Margaret.”

 

Bucky could almost _feel_ Peggy rolling her eyes. “Enough with that garbage.”

 

“I always forget that you're no longer Dame Margaret Carter.”

 

“My wife calls me English,” she said proudly. “That's the only title I hold dear.”

 

Hank seemed to relax all at once. “Honestly Peggy, it's nice to see you. It's been far too long.”

 

“I really do appreciate you coming out here,” she said and sat down across from him.

 

Hank turned his attention to Steve and Bucky. “You're welcome to join us anytime now.”

 

They scurried over to their table, Bucky grabbing a chair from another one so that he could sit as well. Steve sat down beside Peggy, his bag held tightly in his hand. He looked anxious to say the least.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Steve said. “I'm Steve Rogers.”

 

Hank shook his free hand then turned to Bucky. “And you are?”

 

“Bucky Barnes. I'm here for moral support more than anything,” he added without meaning to.

 

Hank chuckled. “Thank you for your honesty. What we're about to do requires about 25% honesty and 75% nerve.”

 

When they'd gotten some of Steve’s stuff from his hotel, Steve had managed to find his copy of his contract. It was a basic version that everyone received after signing it, but it was enough to go on. Hank was on it immediately and found inconsistencies everywhere, much to his utter delight.

 

“They may be a big company, but _Shield Inc_ is full of idiots. Their legal team is absolute crap so this contract is full of holes. For example, this contract states that you're obligated to move to whatever position you're needed in regardless of your training. They could make you do a tightrope walk even if you've never done it before just because they want you to.”

 

“That's incredibly dangerous,” Peggy hissed. “You need to be trained immensely for such a role.”

 

Hank nodded. “There's also a clause that states if you make unauthorized changes to an act you'll be subject to an in depth evaluation and could be transferred elsewhere.”

 

“Shield has a lot of divisions,” Steve said. “The Edge of Mystery is only one of their circuses, plus they have other businesses that have nothing to do with performing.”

 

“You're also not making any real money as of yet,” Hank added. “You have to repay their investment before you make your full paycheck.”

 

Bucky’s eyes widened. “That's ridiculous!” He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Denying people their wages was unjust: it was their livelihood being played around with. “Have you been paid properly yet?” he asked Steve.

 

Steve’s shoulders slumped. “No.”

 

“I think we have our smoking gun then,” Hank said. He grabbed a highlighter and a pen and went to town, circling various parts of the contract at lightning speed. “It's all about money for them, so hit them where it hurts. We'll threaten to file a lawsuit for failing to comply with basic employment standards if they don't revise your contract and compensate you.”

 

“I don't really care about the money,” Steve muttered. “All I want is out of my contract.”

 

“I know that, but they don't. We need to play hardball or else they won't listen.”

 

“What if all they do is revise my contract?”

 

“They specialize in buyouts,” Hank said, venom leaking through his words. “Any lawsuit against them will be public and ugly, which isn't good for their already spotty reputation. There's no way in hell they'll let you cause a fuss for them; they'll buy your contract from you to keep you quiet and you'll be rid of them.”

 

“You seem to know a lot about them,” Bucky said. “Is it okay to ask what happened there?”

 

Hank sighed. “I used to be an advisor for them in their scientific division. I was forced out because I refused to bend to their will. In retaliation, I punched Howard Stark in the face.”

 

“That's badass!” Steve shouted. The other people in the shop turned to stare at him and he paid them no mind. “Howard Stark is a big part of _Shield_. Punching him must've been a trip.”

 

“Sometimes problem solving includes punching,” Peggy said. “Other times, we must be stealthier and far more lethal.”

 

Hank grinned, the giddy expression making him appear much younger. “And so it begins.”

 

*

 

It took two days of intense preparation for Steve to be ready to go up against _Shield_. After Hank made an appointment at their headquarters, he and Steve went over his notes and made sure their arguments were airtight, which was surprisingly easy. There were so many problems with Steve’s contract that if one of their claims was dismissed, there were another ten waiting in the wings.

 

Bucky was there to see Steve off on the day of their appointment. He couldn’t go with him because it was time for their last show at that venue. He always helped as much as he could with the last show because he wanted to give everyone a break after working so hard for however many days their stay was. He couldn't bring himself to break that tradition no matter how much he wanted to and Steve understood that.

 

“You're gonna do great,” Bucky said. He cupped Steve’s cheek with his hand and rubbed his thumb across it. “I am so proud of you for going through with this.”

 

Steve sighed and leaned into his touch. “When I get back, we're gonna celebrate because it'll be the end of it. We're gonna _win_.” His voice trembled minutely as he spoke. “We will.”

 

“Of course we will,” Bucky agreed vehemently. “There's nothing stopping us.”

 

Hank walked up to the front gate and looked at his watch. “We need to get going now,” he said. “It's a long drive.”

 

Steve closed his eyes and leaned into Bucky, giving him a tight hug. Bucky hugged him back and kissed his hair. “You've got this,” Bucky murmured.

 

“I love you,” Steve said as he pulled away.

 

Bucky smiled reassuringly. “I love you too, baby.”

 

A chorus of shouts erupted behind them. “Go get ‘em Steve! Kick some ass Hank!” Everyone who wasn't occupied was behind them, shouting their well wishes and praise. It made Steve smile so beautifully he shone.

 

“See ya on the other side!” Steve shouted. Hank saluted them and they both headed out.

 

The night progressed as it usually would, but Bucky was distracted. He couldn't stop worrying about how things were going - he hated not knowing what was going on because he couldn't prepare for it. He had nothing but confidence in Steve and Hank, but he knew he had to be realistic and prepare for the possibility that it all went south. He did as much as he could before the show started which was a welcome distraction but when he was finished, he had no idea what to do with himself.

 

Angie came to find him soon after all of the audience was inside. She walked over to him with her arms outstretched and he practically ran into her arms. “I know you're worried,” she said softly. “But Steve can take care of himself _and_ he has Hank on his side. There isn't much that man wouldn't do to stick it to _Shield_.”

 

“I just want him to be free of them. He deserves to be happy.”

 

“He still wants to perform,” she said and let go of him. They moved off to the smaller tent and sat down in front of it. “I know what you've been thinking of, sweetheart.”

 

Bucky’s face turned pink from shame because he knew what she was talking about. How she knew was strange yet unsurprising; he'd been thinking of what life would be like if Steve joined their troupe more and more. It was hard to accept the happiness he felt at the prospect of it because a large part of him felt like he was completely wrong for even considering Steve being their new trapeze artist. He was disgusted by the idea of replacing his mother like that even though deep down he knew that she could never be replaced.

 

“I've never seen him perform but I've seen the way he moves,” Angie said. “He's gotta be talented.”

 

“He's… _gifted_. Every part of his act was spectacular and he is so talented. I know how hard he works and it shows in everything he does.”

 

“But you're afraid of what inviting him to join us would mean,” she guessed.

 

He nodded. “I can't - we can't just replace Ma. We can’t.”

 

“No one wants to,” she said. “No one ever will either. Winnie was the most incredible performer we've ever had and we all love her so much; she means far too much to all of us to let go of her just because we have a new trapeze artist.”

 

Bucky couldn't say a word. He knew that if he spoke he wouldn't be able to hold back the tidal wave of emotions he was going through.

 

“Steve isn't some stranger we hired; he's your boyfriend and you love him, which means he's family. If he joins us he'll just be continuing where she left off, not replacing her.”

 

“I don't even know if he'd want to perform with us,” he mumbled. “I'm getting ahead of myself.”

 

“We both know what'll happen if you ask him,” Angie replied. She took his hand and held on just tight enough to be comforting. “I know everything will be just fine.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

Their last show was perfect. All of the acts went as they were supposed to and everyone pitched in to keep things going smoothly from start to finish. By the time the audience had cleared out and they could close the front gate it was nearing eleven o’clock, but Steve and Hank had yet to come back.

 

Monty was the first to find Bucky after the show. He came running up to him and linked their arms together. “Gabe has some cards, we're gonna play poker.”

 

Bucky’s eyebrow quirked. “We are?”

 

“You bet! I haven't the slightest idea how to play but I know I'll beat your sorry ass.”

 

One of Bucky’s character flaws was that he couldn't ignore a challenge. Monty led him back into the big top where Gabe, Dugan, and Peggy were waiting. They were sitting in one of the bottom rows of bleachers, Peggy and Dugan watching as Gabe shuffled the deck. He wasn't particularly good at it, but he managed to keep their attention until they noticed Bucky and Monty coming in.

 

Peggy grinned at them. “You two ready to get raked over the coals?” she asked.

 

Bucky couldn’t help but grin at her. “Good luck with that, Peggy. I’m great at poker - I learned from the best.” Peggy taught him how to play years ago and although he hadn’t played all that much, he remembered most of it.

 

“Put your money where your mouth is, kid,” Dugan said in as menacing a voice as possible. Bucky put on his best game face and dragged Monty to sit down beside him.

 

Bucky soon discovered that Peggy had held out on him when she’d taught him how to play. She saved her best tricks - cutthroat cheating too - for herself and cleaned house. They weren’t playing with real money, or even real chips, but she still managed to steal all of the bottle caps the rest of them had. Dugan called her out on her cheating but her poker face was so thorough and her tricks were so devious that they had no proof. When he'd first joined the troupe he'd heard that Peggy left her job as an intelligence agent to join Angie, her then girlfriend, and her family for a better life. He could definitely see her being some kind of spy after that game of poker.

 

Just after midnight Deborah came in cradling Tabitha, one of the children, in her arms and tutted at them. “Angie’s been lookin’ for you,” she said to Peggy. “She was saying somethin’ about making you sleep outside if you didn't get to bed soon.”

 

Peggy made a show of looking put upon. “That wife of mine will be the death of me! She can be so cruel.”

 

Deborah snickered. “I can only imagine.”

 

“But sometimes cruel is good,” Peggy drawled. “Especially with her.”

 

“Oh my god,” Bucky squawked. “My ears are bleeding!”

 

She rolled her eyes and waved him off. “Well boys, I guess you finally have a shot at winning.”

 

“Good riddance!” Gabe said. “You're a nasty cheater.”

 

“Goodnight children,” Peggy’s voice was full of fake sweetness. She stood up and put her cards down, showing her hand. They were all shocked at how terrible her card was but she was gone by the time they all turned to glare at her.

 

The rules of the game went out the window pretty quickly after that. Monty started practicing throwing cards and turned them into his own personal stockpile of projectiles. They ignored him for as long as they could - Bucky was the first to break and start throwing bottle caps back at him. Once he broke, Gabe and Dugan went at them full force. Throwing things was definitely more fun than poker and far more of a distraction.

 

They were interrupted by a cacophony of noise. It sounded like a stampede outside so they all jumped into action. Gabe was the first out of the tent, followed by Monty then Dugan. Bucky was the last one out but he got around the three of them, stopping dead when he saw Hank and Steve standing at the entrance to the grounds. All of the troupe members had come out from to meet them at the car and swarmed them. A few of the kids were clinging to Steve and hugging him tightly and the rest of them were clinging to Hank. Hank’s expression was one of surprised affection and it lit up his face, making him look so much more welcoming than he usually did.

 

Steve spotted Bucky and he grinned, wide and full of barely contained glee. He said something to the kids and they let go, then both of them were moving toward each other. Steve broken into a run and launched himself at Bucky, laughing loudly when he caught him.

 

“Tell me baby,” Bucky said. “Tell me what happened.”

 

“They had all of the bosses there; Pierce, Fury, and Stark. Apparently my _disappearance_ was causing a big fuss, so they brought in the big guns. When Stark got a look at Hank he nearly shit himself! They were all prepared to let me go but Hank threatened the hell out of them and got me a settlement! They're giving me my earned wages _and_ compensation!”

 

“That's incredible!”

 

“I'm free!” Steve shouted. “I'm free, Buck! I don't have to deal with them anymore and if there's any other problems Hank promised to have my back.”

 

Bucky kissed Steve hard, his excitement bubbling over. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck and pulled him down lower, kissing him repeatedly. They pulled apart when someone whistled at them but they kept their foreheads together. “You did it,” Bucky said. “I'm so proud of you.”

 

“I'm so happy,” Steve whispered. “I can't believe this.”

 

“Well start believing, Steve, ‘cause this is real. You've got a second chance at doing something you love - are you ready?”

 

Steve smiled. “Completely.”

 

*

 

It took them a day to pack everything up and get the tent sent on its way to New Jersey for their next show. Dismantling what they'd worked hard to put up and make beautiful was one of the sadder parts of being in a travelling troupe; it was disheartening to see it all go even if it were just going to be done again somewhere new.

 

Steve helped when he could, but that afternoon he and Hank drove back to Hell’s Kitchen to get the rest of his stuff from the hotel. He came back in less than two hours and had three bags in tow, all of them worn and stuffed full. Bucky met him at the gate and helped him bring his stuff to one of the vans. Steve was full of energy and ready to help; once they took care of his bags he ran over to where Dugan was finishing packing up their decorations. Bucky followed suit and started putting all of the wrapped decorations into a box full of packing peanuts.

 

“So Steve,” Dugan said. “Have you thought about what you're gonna do now? You still want to perform, right?”

 

Bucky stiffened but continued to work. Steve's answer was going to determine what was going to happen from that point on.

 

“Ideally I'll be performing again within the next few months,” Steve replied. “But finding a spot in a troupe is incredibly difficult and I'm starting from scratch without any references.”

 

“That's rough,” Dugan said. Bucky could feel Dugan’s eyes on him and refused to look up from what he was doing. “I'm sure anyone would love to have you, Steve. From what I've heard you're very talented.”

 

Steve chuckled. “Thanks Dugan. I just need to keep my eyes open for any shows that’re looking for new acts.”

 

“You know we haven't had anyone on trapeze for quite some time. Not since Winnie passed, bless her soul.”

 

The only sign that Bucky wasn't okay with the way the conversation was going were his hands. They started trembling severely and he couldn't get them under control, he had to stop packing the decorations away out of fear that he'd break something.

 

“She was the best trapeze artist to ever perform. We were so lucky to have her - when she passed, we didn't want anyone else on trapeze.”

 

“I saw her perform once,” Steve’s tone was reverent. “She's the reason I became a trapeze artist.”

 

“If given the choice, would you perform-”

 

Bucky could feel himself shutting down quickly. He took a step back without fully realizing it and started walking away. Steve shouted his name but he ignored it and continued on until he got far enough away from them that he felt comfortable stopping. He ended up where the tent had been, so he sat down in one of the stands. His chest was tight and his breathing was coming in bursts, he couldn't calm himself down fast enough. He closed his eyes and forced his breathing to even as best he could.

 

 _I'm not trying to replace you Ma_ , he thought. _I swear I'm not._

 

“Are you okay?” Steve asked quietly. Bucky hadn't heard him walking up.

 

He took a deep breath before answering. “I'm sorry.”

 

“There's nothing to apologize for,” Steve assured him. “I just want you to be okay.”

 

Bucky knew that after his reaction he couldn't very well avoid the topic, so he decided to face it head on. “Would you join us if you could?”

 

“Yes,” Steve said. “But even if I were asked, I don't know how I’d answer.”

 

“Why?”

 

“‘Cause it clearly hurts you to think about. I don't wanna cause you pain, I love you too much to put you in a position like this.”

 

It was a sweet thing to say and eased his mind a little, but it still stung. Steve loved him enough to give up performing with the troupe who'd given him inspiration and look for something else, where there was no guarantee of him finding a job. Bucky wanted him to join them more than enough but he couldn't convince himself that Steve wouldn't be replacing his mother.

 

“I want you with us,” Bucky said. “I really, really do.”

 

“Baby…”

 

“I know everyone else does too.”

 

“The idea of me performing with you guys gave you a panic attack and you look heartbroken right now. I can't - I _won't_ do this if you can't handle it.”

 

“Steve,” he whimpered. “I need you.”

 

Steve sat down beside him and wrapped his arms around him. Bucky pressed his face against Steve’s neck and leaned into his embrace completely. “I know baby,” Steve murmured. “It's okay.”

 

“My ma’s things are in storage,” Bucky said. “But we carry her equipment around. Her favourite to use was a hoop; we still bring it with us to every show.”

 

Steve remained quiet, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

 

“She would've adored you, Steve. I know that if she met you and saw how much you love trapeze, she'd take you on as an apprentice. I can imagine the two of you getting on so well.”

 

“Really?” Steve asked, obviously pleased.

 

“Yeah. You're a fireball of talent and personality. She would've loved how much shit you give me too.”

 

“Would she approve of us?”

 

“Without a doubt.”

 

Steve kissed the top of his head and held him tighter. Bucky felt himself starting to come back down from his panic and relaxed, letting Steve’s presence calm him down. The love he felt for him was incredible and unending; he wanted Steve to be happy and wanted only the best for him - the rest of his family did too. To have Steve with them permanently would be a dream come true no matter how confusing his emotions were at the time.

 

“When we get to Jersey, could you show everyone some of your act?” Bucky asked. “I want everyone to see what you can do.”

 

“I'd love to.”

 

*

 

As it turned out, Steve had managed to take his favourite costumes from _The Edge of Mystery_ dressing area. He only took a few outfits, but the ones he chose were intricate and so _him_. He also took a set of aerial silks, which were his favourite to perform with. When they got to Jersey the big top was already set up and they had a few days to get the rest of their things up, so Steve took that opportunity to organize an impromptu performance.

 

The silks were rigged to one of the bars that supported the tent. Gabe safety checked the bar and the silks to make sure that nothing would come loose, and Peggy made sure that there were safety pads beneath where his silks were hanging. The rest of the family gathered into the tent quickly and waited for Steve, their excitement like an electric current in the air around them.

 

Steve came into the tent soon after everything was in place. He was dressed in an outfit that matched the silks; it was a deep red and black silk unitard that had small jewels twinkling around the neckline. Both times Bucky had seen him perform he'd had elaborate makeup on but that time was different - he didn't have a scratch of it on, and yet he still looked otherworldly and gorgeous. Bucky was in the middle of the stands with the family packed around him and Steve searched him out, their eyes meeting. Steve smiled dazzlingly at him for a second then launched himself at the silks.

 

He grabbed onto them and swung, using the momentum to pull himself up. He climbed up the length slowly, pausing in the middle. He spread his legs and raised them up, inverting himself and tangling his legs in the fabric. He wrapped his hands in the silk a few times then allowed his legs to fall, somersaulting in mid-air. He continued to flip, the movements causing more silk to wrap arounds his arms and raise him higher. Steve crossed his legs then spread them in order to invert himself again.

 

He looked as if he were flying, using the silks as wings. Every time he spun or dropped himself lower only to spiral back up, he defied the laws of gravity. His performance was even more amazing than the ones he'd done for _The Edge of Mystery_ ; he was radiant because of how free he was, there were no rules or strict routines holding him down. He was making up his performance on the fly and it was magnificent.

 

Bucky couldn't take his eyes away from him and neither could anyone else. Steve was a brilliant star high above the ground that chose to shine on them, and they basked in his glow.

 

Steve kept one leg and one arm tangled in the silks, extending his free leg out so that it was perfectly straight and reaching his hand out - he looked to be reaching straight for Bucky. Bucky felt pride and uncontrollable glee swell up inside of him and spill out all at once. He was on his feet hollering in an instant, shouting his praise and love for Steve as loud as he could. Steve’s responding laugh echoed through the tent louder than Wanda’s fiddle did and their combined energy was infectious - everyone started cheering for him and didn't stop until he came down from the silks.

 

Angie came up beside Bucky and placed her hand on his arm. “He belongs here, Bucky,” she said.

 

“I know,” he replied softly. He smiled at her and ran to meet Steve in the centre of the ring. He grabbed Steve as soon as he got close enough and hugged him tight to his chest.

 

“I'm sweaty,” Steve whined playfully.

 

“You should perform with us,” Bucky said in a rush. “I know it'd mean a lot to all of us.”

 

Steve pulled back so that he could look into Bucky’s eyes. He scanned his face for any signs of distress or doubt. When he found none he beamed at him. “You really mean it?”

 

“With all my heart.”

 

There would be time to figure out all of the details later, but all that mattered right then was that everyone was ready to accept Steve into their family. Bucky picked him up and turned to the stands.

 

“You jackass!” Steve shouted. “Put me down right now!”

 

“I'm carrying you over the threshold!” Bucky shouted back.

 

“So ya finally popped the question?” Dugan asked cheekily. “Thought you were die an old maid, Barnes.”

 

“You're gettin’ married?” Priscilla squealed.

 

Bucky blushed and put Steve down, hiding behind him slightly. Steve chuckled and pulled him forward.

 

“Don't go gettin’ shy on me baby,” Steve said to him. “We're not quite there yet.”

 

“What's going on then?” Monty asked, his eyes narrowed.

 

“Umm,” Bucky started. “Ever since Ma passed and Becca left, there's been a hole in our show. We've all noticed it so there's no denying it - but no one wants to go near the subject. I know it's ‘cause of me mainly,” he sighed. “I haven't really been dealing with all of this very well.”

 

“None of us have,” someone mumbled. Bucky’s heart ached but he continued, determined to see it through and get out what he wanted to say.

 

“I umm… with a little help I've come to realize that us living like this isn't what Ma would've wanted. She would want someone to pick up where she left off and for us to be as close to okay as we can be. She wouldn't want there to be a gaping hole in all of us forever.”

 

Steve took Bucky’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I want Steve to join our family,” Bucky said. “He's a trapeze artist and an aerial silk performer - you've all seen how talented he is here today. He would be an amazing addition to our show and… and he belongs with us.”

 

Even if they despised the suggestion and wanted nothing of it, he could at least say he gave it his all and laid himself bare.

 

“You know we've been waiting for you to ask,” Wanda said from behind them. “When you started bringing him around we all knew he'd been joining us soon.”

 

“Seriously?” Steve asked.

 

“You two are disgusting,” Jessica chimed in from the stands. “Your feelings have been disturbingly clear since day one, so of course we knew.”

 

“What do ya take us for?” Dugan scoffed. “You're not new here, Buck. We can all see right through you.”

 

“Bucky looks like he could burst!” Peggy exclaimed. “You're all being cruel by not telling him what you think of his idea.”

 

Gabe stood up and smiled at them. “We want you, Steve. You're family to us already so of course we do.”

 

“You're not gonna regret this,” Steve swore. “I promise you that.”

 

“Will you marry us, Steve Rogers?” Monty asked in as serious a tone as he could. All of them erupted with laughter and everything settled back into place, right where it should be.

 

*

 

No matter how many shows they did, _The Howling Commandos_ always gave it their all. Night after night they charmed and amazed their audiences, showing them a breathtaking look into a world of fantasy and intrigue. Many other circuses popped up over time but no matter how talented their performers were they were always second best; none of them showed the kind of love for what they were creating that _The Howling Commandos_ did without fail.

 

They had a loyal following of fans who adored them and supported all of their acts. They lived for the traditions they’d made and wanted them to remain true to what they'd always done, which made it nerve-wracking to change anything. They were all nervous for the crowd’s reaction to Steve and their worry was proven to be misplaced; when Steve took to the centre of the ring for the first time and performed, everyone in the tent went wild. He was met with a thunderous roar and his excitement shone brighter than a spotlight.

 

At the end of the show all of the performers came out to stand with Peggy while she made her ending speech. They brought Steve up to the front of the group and Peggy introduced him to the crowd then a few of the children ran up from backstage and handed him a small bouquet of flowers. The happiness on his face was brilliant and so, so gorgeous - it took Bucky’s breath away. The audience cheered for him so loudly it seemed to shake the tent, Bucky didn't even bother to try and contain his pride; he screamed right along with them to show his support and love.

 

Steve met Bucky’s eyes and laughed, his laughter full of pure unadulterated bliss. Bucky knew then and there that he'd made the right choice - his mom would've been proud of all of them because they stayed a family above all else.

 

_The end_

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are so loved, thank you for reading!
> 
> You can find us both on tumblr; [fuckyfarnes](https://fuckyfarnes.tumblr.com/#_=_) (me) and [mrs-dr-strange](https://mrs-dr-strange.tumblr.com/) (Nina)


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